is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
