Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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