ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
