its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
