maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
