whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
His hands were made for my vagina.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
