between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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