I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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