So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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