i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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