you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
