this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
