The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
