I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize