Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
