so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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