So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
