Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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