i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
