you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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