I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
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This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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