i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
