I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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