Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
