Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
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You. Win. At. Life.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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