i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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