Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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