u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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