That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
