worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
