watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
