I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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