Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
