Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
