I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
