I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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