I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
