The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
