Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just pee around me
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
