he was CRYING into my vagina
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
