Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
