i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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