If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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