My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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