toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
