I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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