A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
