she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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