we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
