I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
