I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
