had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
