It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
