I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
