member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
