whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
