Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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