Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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