school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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