I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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