Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
