Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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