My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dick very happy bro
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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