Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
