Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
