areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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