Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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