Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
