I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
