She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
