i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ass is underappreciated
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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