Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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